Superstitious? Who? Me??

Ever notice how bad things really do seem to come in threes?

Take today, for instance. First, I got hurt this morning (long story, thought my hand was broken, wound up calling in to work and going to the hand specialist instead, not broken but it's going to hurt for a while and at the moment it's swollen and looks rather like a baseball). Then, I get a letter telling me that even though I have been been living up to the terms and conditions of the contract, a long-time relationship is about to be terminated because of something else going on in my life that has absolutely nothing at all to do with this contract. And yes, it's totally legal. And furthermore, it's going to severely mess up a plan I had just put in place to deal with that problem.

I think I'm going back to bed. I don't want to know what the third thing might be....

Pop Culture

I guess I'm getting old, because here are a few things I just don't get:

• Lady Gaga. I just don't get it. She looks like she should work at a strip club or hang out on a street corner, and while her music is sort of fun, there's nothing spectacular or memorable about it, except for the X-rated content in the videos. I've listened without watching the associated video, and I just don't think there's a lot of talent coming through beyond her of-the-moment music/lyrics and her shock-value videos/costuming. Perhaps I'm missing something?
  
• Tattoos. Do people realize that you age? And that when you are 60 and wrinkly (or 35 and wrinkly if you're living a particularly hard life), they're going to look stupid? Well, most of them anyway. Depends on what and where. Don't get me wrong, I've seen some fantastic tattoos, but really, after a certain age, most people (men or women) just don't carry them off well.
  
• Crocs. Aside from being hosable gardening shoes, what's the point?
• Blue and brown together. I do not like this color combination. It's different than my dislike of the colors pink and black. I've seen use of pink and black where I appreciate the color (say, in some combinations of pink and yellow together that are really lovely, or orange and black for use on halloween, things like that). But the combination of blue and brown? What gives? I find it dingy as a combination. It screams outdated to me, just as a harvest gold refrigerator and avocado stove would.
• Older women (50+, in some cases 40+) in long hair. Makes most of them look older. Sure, Michelle Pfeifer can do it and get away with it, so can a few other stars. But let's face it, they have things that most normal women don't. Many of them, due to their careers, have had some sort of plastic surgery to modify the natural sagging that happens to a face (and can be accented by long hair), and they also have a team of stylists every time they're seen in public for any event, whether it's on the news, or something to do with a movie. Have you ever seen those pictures of celebrity women in public with no make-up wearing mom-clothes or Saturday-working-in-the-yard-running-errands clothes? Trust me, they look just as bad as anyone else. But I see a lot of women who both wear their hair too young, AND dress too young. You see them from the back and they look fantastic. You get an expectation of a lovely smooth-skinned young thing in your mind. Then they turn around, and they may not look bad for their age, but as their hair and clothing are more geared toward someone 20 years younger, it comes as a shock, and you think they look horrible. A tweak here or there would mitigate that shock, and still have them dressing in a very trendy fashion. You don't need the short, old-lady hair. But you can't wear it like you did when you were 20, either.
  
• Fear of getting old. While we're talking about people trying too hard to hold on to their youth. Aging is certainly not for the faint of heart, but seriously: if we're lucky, we all do it. Doing it gracefully should be the goal, not avoiding it altogether.
  

Requiem for a Crochet Pattern Web site

As you know, I both knit and crochet. I do a lot of other things too, but these are my primary year-round hobbies. I am not fond of Ravelry for reasons I will not get into here, but I do have a list of other great Websites bookmarked, where I can look for inspiration and, often, free patterns.

In the course of trying to help a friend find a pattern for a pineapple motif for a bedspread or table cloth yesterday, I looked to one of my favorites, and found that the site was gone. Celt's Vintage Crochet was no more, and Celty left a scathing note behind. I personally was appalled at the reason for her taking down her site: that others were pirating the patterns she'd worked so hard to preserve and that she offered for free, and selling them. Yes, the Almighty Dollar has reared its ugly head again, and there is another casualty.

I don't blame her for being disgusted and frustrated. I don't blame her for taking down her site in the wake of this. I do wish that I'd managed to save out some of the patterns that she so lovingly provided, and this for purely selfish reasons as now I'll have to hunt for them in other places, and I don't consider that my odds are too high of locating many of them.

I think what disgusts me most is that, within our community of knitters and crocheters, we are not immune to selfishness and the kind of dishonesty that would allow someone to take another's work and claim it as their own.

And so, I raise my glass to Celty and Celt's Vintage Crochet. To Celty, for having the courage to take her site down and tell people why. And for Celt's Vintage Crochet, in memory of a good thing that was spoiled by too many bad apples.

Merry Christmas!

Why it's become a taboo phrase in the past several years, I don't know. But I say it proudly, and frankly, don't think it can be said enough.

I celebrate Christmas, in all it's religious glory. I refuse to debate the finer points of the telephone effect on a 2000+ year old story, nor will I discuss, at this point, what Biblical scholars think are the confirmable points. For me, it is the birthday of Jesus Christ, a baby sleeping in a hay-filled feed trough in a poor stable somewhere in the ancient Middle East. I know, with all the ads and shopping and media coverage and such, many people think that Christmas begins the day after Thanksgiving and ends on December 25. In reality, begins tonight, and carries on through the Twelve Days of Christmas, to the Feast of the Epiphany, when, as the story goes, the Three Wise Men arrived to view the Savior of the World.

And so, I wish you peace. I wish you joy. I wish you love. I wish you happiness. I wish you all the blessings of the Christmas season.

I wish you a Merry Christmas!

Vanity, thy name is...

I got my hair trimmed yesterday. I have very curly, extremely thick hair, and I do not like to fuss or spend much time on it. Thus, I have two ways to wear it: very short, or long. At the moment, it is the former, and as it grows like weeds given too much Miracle Gro, it does best if I get a trim about every three weeks.

Here's the issue: I do not like my hair cut.

Here's the BIGGER issue: the rest of the world seems to LOVE it!

Everyone I know waxes poetic about how cute it looks. My mother, my friends, my colleagues, my neighbors. Even the butchers at my local market and the waiters at my local favorite restaurant have commented on how good it looks. Random people I have never seen before have come up to me on the street, in the mall, in Target, at the library, and commented on it. Granted, it is extremely easy-care, which I like a lot, but it poofs on the top and I don't like that. Reminds me of a bouffant or a beehive (not quite that high, but you get the idea). It's a fussy look that isn't my style.

I've encountered this before. I've had hair cuts that I did not like, or worn clothing that I thought made me look (quite literally) like a blimp, and people go on about how good I look. So, here's my question (it's a three-parter):

1. Am I really so incapable of seeing what looks good on me that I prefer things which actually do not?
2. Are they lying to me, and I'm really correct?
3. Are my expectations impractical and improbable, and what I really want is something that can not be achieved, and so while the result isn't exactly what I wanted, it really does look good and I'm just too pouty to notice?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Graciousness and Gratitude

When I was 10, my mother became ill. For the next two years, there was a cycle with her in the hospital for a week, home a week. It was very rough on my father and I. It was hard for him because he suddenly felt that he had both Mama and I to take care of. It was hard for me because I suddenly had to be a grown up in many ways.

I learned a lot of things when I was 10. I learned how to pick out which plums were ripe and ready. I learned how to bake bread. I learned that my teachers were often on my side even when I desperately wanted to keep them from knowing I had a side that someone needed to be on with me. I learned how to make a whole Thanksgiving dinner, from the planning stage through the use of leftovers. I learned how to manage money. And probably most importantly, I learned how to stand on my own two feet, and that I could indeed do that.

I also learned gratitude. I learned to be thankful for every moment you have with someone because you never know when there will be no more moments. I learned to appreciate everything I was given, whether it was a hug or a helping hand or a present, because no one is obligated to give you anything, and for every thing you have and receive, there are those who do not have it. I learned that fear and worry are necessary parts of life, but that life does indeed go on, and that you should always appreciate the little things, whether it's a pure white violet, or a rainbow, or a piece of candy that's fantastic, or the smile of someone who loves you. Otherwise, life really isn't worth the effort.

There's been a severe loss of this kind of thing. People are not thankful any more. They feel they are entitled. There is no graciousness in their receipt of something given. Rather, they demand and take it. Granted, it is sometimes difficult to accept something given. It may be something you really don't want like a jar of limburger-licorice dip, or it may be something that you would rather not have to receive, like a helping hand. If it's given to you in a spirit of love, then be gracious. Say thank you, and smile. It's a small thing, but it makes life so much better.

What brings this up? Well, someone did something for me that I would prefer she hadn't, in part because it may have taken away from her being able to do something for someone else who is in more need than me. Also, she went much further than expected, and did a few things where she meant well but I really would prefer had not been done. Graciousness will lead me to say thank you, and will prevent me from pointing out that perhaps this or that was not a great idea. I appreciate her effort, and find it wonderful that she would want to do such a thing for me. And I hope that I can do something as wonderful for her in return.

Life is NOT fair

Some days that is incredibly obvious.

Why is it that it never seems to matter what has actually been accomplished? Why is it that the 20 boxes you have not yet moved are more important than the 15 you have already moved? And that it doesn't matter that you can not move 5 of those 20 without assistance and you're waiting on that help to arrive, it just matters that you haven't actually physically moved them?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Celebrations

I had a birthday party yesterday. I threw it for myself.

No, it wasn't a notable number. There wasn't anything unusual going on. It was just another birthday. But it was a party.

I cook for my own parties, generally. If people ask, "What can I bring?" then the first few might be asked to bring something, or if they offer to bring something specific ("How about if I bring shrimp for an appetizer?") then I will gladly accept. In this way it becomes a glorious tasty spread, generally with a little something for everyone.

I am a gourmand, with a smattering of pseudo-gourmet thrown in. I grew up watching cooking shows, and am not afraid to try new things. What I find terribly entertaining when I throw a party is that, if I try something fancy for the dinner, people enjoy it, but the true raves come when I do something simple. Yesterday's party fare was barbecue chicken and cole slaw, and friends brought a caprese salad (of homegrown tomatoes and basil), fresh fruit, ice cream, and rolls. It was wonderful and tasty, and preparation was not nearly as complex as it might have been.

This all ties in together, birthdays and parties and good food. I think people worry too much sometimes. They worry about aging. They worry about not looking as good as they used to. They worry about getting fat. And there is a little something on that last one. But let's, instead, worry about other things. Let's worry less about the outer trappings and more about the overall health. I do not use artificial sweeteners, and I avoid low fat or diet foods unless they are low fat like a skim milk, where the fat was removed but nothing was added. I avoid chemical and man-made things. I read labels hunting for foods without too much added sugar or sodium or high fructose corn syrup. It can be a challenge some days. But I think, overall, the food is better. I think that you can eat the foods prepared in a traditional fashion — with all the fats etc. — in moderation and be fine. It's when you eat sixteen portions of something, or eat it every day in the modern world where we don't have the activity level we once did, that trouble begins.

And so, that said, let's celebrate! Celebrate getting another year older because it means you've survived all life's slings and arrows! Celebrate the good things to eat because it means that you have the wherewithall to afford food! Celebrate a beautiful day because it means you are in a position to go out and enjoy it!

If there were more celebrations, the world would truly be a happier place.

Ships Passing in the Night

I never realized friendship was so arbitrary, and that so many took it so lightly.

I've always thought friendship was something to be cherished. Granted, there are levels of friendship, and I've always questioned people who made friends too quickly and seemed to have them too deep in their lives.

There has been a lot of hurt going on recently in an on-line community I'm privileged to be part of. Most of it involves people being purposely hurtful to those who, once, they called friend. What this says to me is that those people have no idea what that word means, the responsibilities it implies, nor are they capable of achieving the feelings necessary to use it in the proper context.

I've been hurt by this. Many have been. It's enough to make you want to not make friends. But how lonely would that be?

And indeed, they must be. Lonely. Angry. Bitter.

But not me. I've got friends.

Ode to Independence

When you think about it, that's really what the Fourth of July holiday is in the United States. We celebrate this day in all kinds of ways: cook outs, buffets, champagne, games, fireworks, races, parades, concerts. Kids (of all ages) around the country light sparklers, and American Flags materialize out of nowhere to mark the birth of an idea. For some, it starts a day early or runs a day long, and for many, it's a day of rest, with workplaces closed, and a day to spend with family and friends.

But what's frightening to me is that most people don't quite realize what was said in that document that we celebrate. The Declaration of Independence was just the beginning of a real revolution, one that was completed by The Constitution of the United States of America and its first ten amendments, The Bill of Rights.

How many people today see the self-evidence of the simple truths set out in that Declaration? That "ALL MEN are created equal"? That "Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed"? How many people today have read these documents, and attempted to understand them, rather than relying on the analysis of "experts" or the media to tell them what it says?

I challenge you, this weekend, to read these foundation documents of the United States of America, in honor and celebration of that great sacrifice made by those who have come before.

Don't just eat a hamburger and wave a sparkler. Be a Revolutionary. Know what this country is all about, and stand up for it.

Drama, Drama, everywhere, and not a dram to drink!

Ever notice that? It all hits at once. You're pretty much guaranteed to get drama from all quarters if you start getting it from one spot.

And it is ALWAYS painful on some level.

I have spent much of my time since March of this year with my stomach tied in knots over one kind of drama or another. I've lost friends, mostly inadvertently and through the actions of others which resulted in my appearing to disappear off the face of the earth with no forwarding address, but also in a few instances through their own actions.

It is ALWAYS painful. And I miss them all.

But it could be worse. At least, so far as I know, I am not the butt of some of the evil commentary that has been brought to my attention. I am a lioness where my friends are concerned, and I do not like it when they do not get along. I have one set of friends who are caught up in something that they see as very very real, and that I suspect is not as real as all that. I have other friends who are quite directly being hurt by this. And the former has walked away. This hurts. But frankly, it has saved me the trouble of walking away myself, or worse, making a statement hurtful to those who are already in so much obvious pain.

So, dear reader, hug your friends. And if they're hurting, hug them closer.

Bad Drivers Abound

I just don't get it. Perhaps you have seen the same thing around you?

It's inevitable. Here comes the BIG EXPENSIVE CAR, driving above the speed limit, and more often than not, above the speed of traffic. Usually, they're weaving in and out very quickly, and NEVER do I see these people use a turn signal.

I just don't get it. WHY oh why would you buy a big expensive car like that, and not spend the extra for the upgrade to include turn signals?

And so far as I can tell, they're never wearing their seat belts either.

(N.B. I have been ticketed for failure to use a turn signal while changing lanes. I still insist that I did use my signal, but apparently the police officer always wins. I can assure you, it's NOT a small ticket, and probably increases in dollar amount as speeds and traffic increase.)

Seriously, though. This is offensive driving. It's dangerous. It can lead to accidents, whether the driver in question is involved or not. Fasten that seat belt, and for cryin' out loud, USE YOUR DIRECTIONALS!!!

/rant

We now return you to your regularly scheduled eccentricity.

Sometimes I wonder about boundaries

I take care of my mom. She's old. And ill. And she's my mom. She's also the epitome of what happens to children for whom everything is done, and who are never told no. At 81 years old, I've seen her hold her breath, cross her arms, glare, and stomp her foot if she didn't get her way. It's rather amusing.

But she's my mom. And mostly she's very entertaining and wonderful. I know that people don't understand the intricacies of this kind of elder care unless they're doing it themselves, so in response to most of the comments and suggestions, I just nod and smile.

Not long ago, though, I was a bit shocked when a neighbor informed me that "Most of the neighborhood thinks there's a special place in heaven for you. We don't know how you put up with your mom."

**blink**

She's... MY MOM.

Granted, there are days where I wonder myself. But frankly, while I suspect that was somehow meant to be a compliment, it was out of line. Sure, I could use some help, but do these neighbors who wonder how I manage and who somehow find a way to criticize my mom for depending on me ever offer a hand?

No.

Are there people who could make a statement like that and not be out of line? Sure. My cousin is on the allowed list (and has mentioned it once or twice, but she's known my mom all her life, and cared for her own mother, my mom's sister, so she has some background there), as are a few other relatives. My very close friends might say something along the lines of, "You need to get some help" and follow it with truly helpful suggestions on where that might come from. (If they were closer in proximity, they would actually give a hand themselves more often, but they're not.) But would they ever say anything that could be translated, "Boy, you really are something! Your mom is a PITA"?

No.

I'm tellin' you, there are no boundaries, no more common courtesies in this country. Perhaps in the whole world. When things like that can be said and people don't realize how rude they are and how far they've overstepped, it's not a good sign.